SHE.HER.

2009-11-05T13:11:00.001+08:00

changed to onsugar! heehz:D

lovestained.onsugar.com

2009-10-31T20:30:00.003+08:00

oh man i have really screwed up big time.. out of 3 papers i.ve already screwed up 2! the first time i wrote out of point for an english essay is during Os, how great. and i spent months to prepare for my amath jus to fail it, bravo isnt it. well perhaps you might say i should have started 2 years ago and not months ago, but whatever it is you cant deny the amount of effort that i.ve put in isnt it. i thought i could secure 3 A1s already>emath amath and chinese. but now i know i only managed to secure one which is chinese and i might not be able to use it since i screwed up my english already. i feel so stupid, the subject i spent most time on screwed me up the most, i feel effing screwed!

oh and im trying my very very best not to say the fword here, i dont wanna be that vulgar infront of the whole world

i dunno what you.re up to lah, whatever it is can wait till after Os kay, and i saw it:)

2009-10-24T22:46:00.003+08:00

its time i learn to be independent and not rely on you anymore, sorry for always acting like a spoilt baby and wanting you to give in to me. if you knew what that means, would you still have said okay?

2009-10-23T19:16:00.004+08:00

y'know, every now and then i would allow my mind to drift off alittle bit further, and i would wonder things about you, how are you, are you still angry with me, have you forgiven me, when will you talk to me blah blah blah.. i was the one who let go of everything, so i guess i dont have the right to want you back anymore isnt it, all the little things that you did, all the iloveyous that you said, all the quarrels and disputes, theres no way i can forget, im really selfish, i dont want you to let go yet at the same time i dont want to go back to the past, when they tell me that you went back and rarely talk, i dunno why but i jus felt a sense of guilt, i know till now you.re still hating me for having done that to you, to be honest, now that i look back, i wish i could give myself a big tight slap for doing that to you, even me myself i am shocked by my capability to do this to hurt you.. everytime they ask about us, i really dont know what to say, how long do you want this to continue, or are you simply jus punishing me, if this is my retribution, i.ll accept this punishment, i mean i have no choice right?

iloveyou and thats all i really know
you showed me what true love is; Us... <3!

2009-10-10T10:40:00.003+08:00

i have graduated.. really cant bear to let go of everything

4 years ago in p6 while we were sitting in the hall waiting for the release of which schools we were posted to, i prayed to God asking him to let me get posted to the school that He thinks is suitable for me and that i leave everything to His hands, and then ms choo pass the slip to me and nodded her head, saying "suying its a good school, treasure", at that time i was pretty surprised cos chung cheng was my 3rd choice, and as the saying goes 'everything happens for a reason', i now know the reason, i really do

suddenly im afraid of what the future beholds for me, will i still be able to meet such great tchers and friends? on the first day of school, chung cheng was scary and a total stranger to me, on the last day of school, chung cheng is a home to me, notice the word home, its a place filled with love everywhere, well although there are still some black sheeps, but seriously chung cheng is a really friendly school, tchers and friends are always there to help you and are always by your side, giving you lots of encouragements and help

this year has been such a dramatic year for me, filled with lots of laughter, tears, and curses (!!!), well i guess most of you would have known what happened, its an open secret anyways, no point hiding anymore, cos its so so so fake whenever i say its not true, but those incidents also made me realise how jealous some people can be, and saying that im fake and pretending to be angry when im actually happy inside, well whatever they say, i dont really care cos afterall these people cant be really good friends judging from their words and thinkings, and to my clique: although you all always suan me, but without it, there wont be any laughters and without laughters, i would be bored to death, thanks for always helping me whenever i need help, we.ve had our fair share of disputes, but at the end of the day, all is well again!:)

of cos, not forgetting tchers! all the tchers that have taught me before, i really really lovey'! ms adri, zheng hui zhen lao shi, ms wee, ms goh, mrs yeo, ms chua, mr davamoni, ms annisa, mr ahmad, mrs karen lim (im not sure about her name), mr kelvin chia, huang mu mei lao shi, ms judy ng, mrs yang, mr sequira (not sure about the spelling too), mr faizal, mrs low, mr teo, mrs cheng, ms gan, mrs tan, mr gan, chris (mr lim), mr tan and other tchers but i suddenly cant rmb! and to mr kelvin chia: its been hard on you! i know it hasnt been easy teaching 4grace cos we are really a bunch of naughty kids, teaching us is indeed a challenge, but never once did you lose your temper at us, and even when we keep failing chem, you never give up on us but instead arranged remedials for us without us making the first move, although i dont really like science, but i promise i.ll put in double, if not, triple the effort to at least get a B for Os, and to mrs yeo: really really cant bear to leave you lah! sometimes i wonder, why am i so lucky? mrs yeo, i really loveya alot and i promise i.ll get distinctions for both math (notice i dont dare to say A1 le hahaha), thankyou tchers!

today im proud of chung cheng, tmr chung cheng will be proud of me
今日中正人今世中正人
iloveyou, chung cheng!!!!

2009-10-04T21:21:00.003+08:00

yaye i jus bought a printer!:DDDDD

from tmr onwards, it means theres only 21 days left to Os, and it will be intensive mugging

english is my best pal
higher chinese is my sweetheart
social studies is my darling
egeog is my soulmate
elit is my baby
amath is my lover
emath is my sunshine
physics is my boyf
chemistry is my man

i love Os, Os love me

*laughs*

2009-10-02T19:13:00.005+08:00

thank god its friday, i was totally drained out this freaking week

haix chris has left to study overseas, managed to send him a farewell text and his reply is so sweet! will really miss you kay, chris! i guess i.ll never be so lucky anymore to meet such a tcher in future.. suddenly i feel guilty for the times i.ve been sleeping during your lessons, sorry! oh and also thanks for giving such high marks for orals, if not for that mark i wouldnt have gotten a B for english, so thanks man! andand thanks for your texts, really really sweet!:)

mom told me this morning that i should really find time to sleep, she says whenever she comes back, im jus half alive with my eyes half open and im practically dragging my feet when i walk, i wish i could sleep too, but lets be logical here, im left with only 24days to Os, so tell me what i should do now..

i dunno why mr chia keep looking at me, i really have no idea, its like this during consultation, its like this during meeting, its even like this jus now during remedial, and his eyes open so big i very scared hahaha, ohyes i reckon i had better buck up and do well for my Os, tchers have been helping me out and i shouldnt fail them as a student isnt it:)

please please please please stop telling me stuffs like "i havnt start mugging leh", "woah so hardworking ah", "haix i so slack lor", for goodness sake please stop! you think i three-year old kid ah, will believe that you havnt start, wo zhang da le okay

without zx, i feel so helpless! when studies screw me up, i turn to zx. when relationships screw me up, i turn to zx. when stupid and silly problems screw me up, i turn to zx. zx, come back quickly lah!! tmrtmr you.re coming back! yaye:DDDDD

i want go kbox i want go kbox i want go kbox!

2009-09-29T18:51:00.003+08:00

jus smile smile smile smile, which smile today? the hey or the high or the flirty one? if i dont smile they will think i dao them, and they will be like "suying why you like that?", and they will start bitching about you. i dread dread dread putting on a fake smile but i got no choice, so theres nothing i can do but to S-M-I-L-E

ohbtw, i dont think i.ve alot of patience left, jus wanna tell you that before you laugh at others, reflect upon yourself, for y'know many many people are bitching about you too

am i using your brains to study? am i sacrificing your sleep to mug? obviously, the answer is no. so what right have you got to tell me that theres no need to study so hard, y'know what, its the first time someone tell me "aiya no need work so hard de lah, you jus needa have a skill and you can survive", okay so lemme ask you, what skill do you have? oh i know, you have the talent of crapping, i dont believe that when you were preparing for your Os some time back, you did not study, lemme jus be straight, you are jealous. you are jealous that im in cchms, you are jealous that i have so many people who are always ready to lend me a helping hand and tutor me, you are jealous that your boyf have to sacrifice your dating time to help me, and last but not least, you are jealous that i do better than you, what a bimbo!

2009-09-26T09:17:00.003+08:00

well i dont know, but sometimes it shows how not concerned you are, wheres that feeling now, i.ve got nothing to say anymore, do as you deem fit

that tap on my shoulder means alot to me, such a simple action but it sent my tears down, when i got back the paper i was trying so hard not to let those stupid silly tears come down, but then your tap and your smile and your texts made it impossible for me to stop those wilful tears from flowing down, im sorry i broke down once again, truly disappointed with myself and i failed to play my role well

2009-09-24T19:50:00.002+08:00

while people are climbing higher, why am i sinking deeper? so what if every subject i improved at least 2 grades, compared to others, my improvements mean nothing at all, yes to be honest im glad im no longer failing 3, 4 subjects already, but on the other hand, i feel that theres still a long way to go, if i start all over again now, izzit too late? please tell me no

since Os is like in a month's time, i wont be updating anymore, unless i really have something to say, lets piah together people!

2009-09-23T19:10:00.003+08:00

very disappointed with myself,
it feels like im stuck in a pile of shyt

the night before chem and egeog papers, i slept for only about 4omins and this is the damn shytty results i get in return, so does it mean if i slept for 100mins i would get 100marks? i dare say i studied, and its those kind of serious studying, not anyhow flip one page two page jus to entertain myself, yet the outcome is still so atrocious, why! when mr chia said the paper was not that difficult, i was like 'wah piang, mega cut-through, instant K.O.', i mean seriously i feel like an idiot with an iq of only 10

it feels like jus afew days ago i was complaining about things like i.ve only 100days to Os, and now its like what.. 33 days to Os?!! and seriously im sick and tired of complaining about how bad results screwed me up, i mean talking about it jus reminds me of the fact that im stupid

2009-09-21T19:29:00.000+08:00

went out with jiahui, shiyong, joyce, gav, clarence and xx on saturday, it seems to be a day where we had not much plans and was kinda in the 'zou yi bu kan yi bu' state, but nonetheless it was pretty funnnn!! ohyeah and we met yinghui and her friend, what a coincidence! we girls went to play arcade while gav and xx played pool, i keep losing in the car racing game, but if i look on the positive side of things, it means that im too guai le, never go arcade (okay fine im crapping, as if you people will believe i dont frequent those places when i dont even believe it myself) haha needa brush up my skills already! and gav kept wanting to bowl and sing K, seems like hes really fond of singing yeah haha. deciding which movie to watch was tough! we had the proposal, the ugly truth and phobia2 in mind, and decided to proceed with the ugly truth in the end, and while we were watching the trailer for surrogates, i saw one scene where all the people suddenly collapse and died, so i said "so kong bu" and gav suan me "huh like that call kong bu", okay so that shows gav is brave hahaha, well as usual he left early while we went proceed to watch the movie, it was really awesome and funny! there was quite a number of obscene scenes such as showing the whole big naked butt, boobs spilling out, new phrases to express 'ahem', and some which are not suitable to be said here haha, go watch and you guys will know! being poor souls, we settled for macdonalds for dinner and we gossiped about many people in school, haha sounds bad! ahyes, before the movie we ate at kfc and gossiped about actresses having plastic surgery, omg so bad! haha and what clarence said about 'ahem' really makes me stun tio! in all, it was pretty fun!:DDDDDD

yaye sunday had no tuitions cos mom said i could rest for a week! yes! but.. i was bored to death! it feels weird and uneasy to relax and stop studying all of a sudden! i wondered how i passed the day.. but luckily chatted with jh on the phone for about 3hours, wow we really have alot to say! and the more we say, the more pissed i got, i really cant find any words to describe that person, that person is really incorrigible already! yucks jus talking about that person makes me disgusted! shall stop here now..

suddenly realise that not everyone can be trusted, i counted, in cchms, there are only three people i can totally trust %100, i dont wanna mention who are they cos they should know:) but all of them are from different classes lah, but again, there are quite alot of people in cchms i can totally rely %100 on, they are always willing to lend me a helping hand and ear whenever i need it, and i can always rely on them for help! so what i wanna say here is that many friends can help you, but when you think about it, how many can you really trust? everyone always says im gullible and i believe people easily, i dont deny it but i thought it wouldnt be good to doubt someone, until recently some things happen which made me realise this very important concept>never trust anyone wholeheartedly, but again, i wont and will never allow my trust for those whom i trust %100 waver, its jus not fair to them

no more commitments, moving on..

2009-09-19T21:45:00.002+08:00

im seriously gonna blow my top now, is there anything wrong with you passerby, you act as if you are very cute and im enjoying playing all these stupid games with you, please gimme a break will you, i dont owe you anything do i, jus what is your problem lah! ma de you very stupid you know, play how long liao still play play play, how old are you le lah, can you jus let me live my life in peace, do you have the single idea that by doing all these stupid acts, you.re affecting my mood, you think very funny huh, then i think there mus be something wrong with you, seriously wrong, i tell you, you better stop everything right now, and when i say stop means stop, talking nicely to you doesnt work so i mus as well use this type of stupid way to reach out to you and everyone will think im like a lunatic scolding someone who doesnt even care, yeah whatever, i dont give a shyt anymore, you had your fair share of fun, its time to stop for goodness sake, screw you lah idiot monkey

2009-09-15T14:05:00.003+08:00

suddenly i feel so thankful for the creation of blogs and that i.ve got one, this is seriously where i can rant like a mad dog without irritating anyone, i mean if you choose to come to this blog and read then i guess you have a choice not to, so if you have already started reading this post and you dont want your happy mood to be ruined by me, i suggest you navigate to other pages this very moment yeah:)

i feel so damn screwed up and messed up, it jus seems like theres always problems infront of me that i have to face and these problems cant be solved at all no matter what methods i try to use, its making me so damn fedup that i dunno how much longer i can hold on to everything.. i.ve really tried my very best to control and not say anything about it, jus pretending that nothing has ever happened before, but you people seem to take this for granted, im really sick of all this man, i mean what did i do to deserve all this, okay sometimes i admit its my fault but you cant put all the blame on me right, ah damn i feel like scolding eff!!

forget it i.ll jus concentrate on my studies and not care about all those stupid silly things which means nothing already, i dunno, perhaps i jus dont like the feeling of losing

2009-09-12T11:43:00.004+08:00

44 days to Os and im still so damn unprepared for it, my physics and chem is still hopeless like some smelly socks till i dont know where to even start from man, really tried but its like telling me "hey suying, you cant", i cant master it even with practises and consultations, plusplus i have to take into consideration my other subjects which i know are jus like shyt too. yes, you people will tell me "sciences jus need to understand the concepts and know how to apply and practise more", yah yah yah, talk is cheap like seriously, i also know how to talk, free what, imagine people telling you your lousiest subjects are what they think is the easiest, damn mega cut-through, instant K.O.

everyone is so busy about Os now, mugging every single moment, yet im like still not really in the mug mood, do one qns, walk around, do another qns, lie on bed, do next qns, go sleep, wow how great, 44 days to Os, to me its the same as telling me 44 days to doom

seriously, i.ve no idea why i acted that way, i was rather shocked too by my reaction to be honest, perhaps its jus an act of self-defence, i guess if you were me, you wouldnt be able to withstand the pain too (?) why did we become like that, actually you.re tired too arent you, but if you.re really true, no matter what you.ll still come back, if you.re not, i wont make a big fuss outta it either

and im still sick, dying from agony

2009-09-10T19:49:00.007+08:00

别真的以为我不会疲惫, 只是用太阳眼镜掩盖眼泪, 你从不关心我的喜悲, 离开那一回我已无所谓, 勇敢面对我们之间已枯萎, 我只想在这一秒忘却了烦恼, 不去擦昨日的眼泪, 你说试着了解我, 但我已经没有感动, 心也不再痛, 不回头, 你说想试着再回头, 但我已经无法承受, 没有了温柔, 往前走

in case you havnt noticed, im no longer the suying i used to be, always trying my best to please you

ohoh and i was thinking if i should change to onsugar instead, hm..

went for physics consultation today, and then went to meet zx at pasir ris, gosh where did i find all the time. prelimTwo isnt finished yet and Os hasnt even started, yet im slacking and acting like i.ve finished my Os and scored 6points, bravo suying

2009-09-08T19:48:00.003+08:00

dinner on saturday was fun and everyone has changed, ahma has indeed aged alot and i felt guilty cos i havnt been spending much time with her, when i was younger we would go her place every sunday, but now its like once every few months which is really little, suddenly im afraid of losing her as shes the only grandparent i have now, da bo has also aged alot, his hair is totally white and hes really like dad! his actions, looks and whatever, jus that dad's hair is totally black and the best thing is he hasnt dyed it once before! hes got black pigment in his head hahaha, oh and ahma's hair is also totally black even when shes like 70plus 80plus years old le, and i heard thats cos she dyes it, wow ahma ai mei hahaha! but er biao sau never change, shes still as young and pretty and friendly!^^ and everyone was like "eh suying this year Os huh? jin zhang mah?" yeah and i would nod my head and give them a smile and i felt so fake..

sunday was second round and they had dinner at my place, mom cooked nice food, yum yum:D played cards after that and i was on a losing streak, man i lost 30plus$, heartache sia.. but luckily ahma, er gu and dad gave me 10$ each and i recouped some of my losses, heehz:D and ahbee's boyf is like so funny can, keep making me laugh and helping me win lah(he knew what card i was waiting for and gave me) haha suan ta hui zuo ren, and he told me to do well and get into a good jc so that there would be competition and i would be urged to do better, and he wanted me to treat him to dinner if i get into a good jc, dont worry i will as long as its not too ex:) oh and i lent er gu the ming zhong dvd and she played some parts of it at my home, theres one part where ji cun xi fell into the fountain or whatever when he was trying to help take the paper which has the design, and er gu was distributing cards and when she heard him fall into the water, she shouted "eh!" as if she wants to tell him "xiao xin ah" and then rescue him, hahaha cute lah she

to passerby: you are very clever cos you know that im using shoutmix and i wont be able to check your ip add and know who you are, but i dont give a damn, and whatever happens is none of your businees, but judging from whatever you said be it recently or in the past, we seem to know each other, if not where did you get your info from, well jus end everything can, i mean what do you benefit from it right, so lets jus be more mature and stop all these childish hide and seek games, wanting me to guess who are you blahblahblah, and getting angry and pissed, shall we?

2009-09-05T13:47:00.000+08:00

hello!

finally its the holidays and i can get to slack alittle! but i guess i would end up slacking very much more since this has always been the case hahaha! oh and i.ve totally screwed up chem.. sacrificing my sleep to get F9s, i think im the only fool who would do that.. emath paper1 was the best i think, at least it was.. do-able (?) and the rest was not that.. hm do-able, for me lah

today is ahma's bday, gonna go out eat tonight with like so many people, and the thought of it jus turns me off, cos they.ll be asking all sorts of stupid qns which i dont feel like answering but have to cos they are my elders and it would be rude if i didnt, and mom knowing about it makes everything worse, yeah i jus hope will-kor will help shut them up! hahaha, ohwait i forgot to say happy birthday ahma! love ya! (sounds very weird leh, where got people talk like this to their grandmothers one..)

有好几次我都想挽留

2009-08-31T19:27:00.003+08:00

Happy Teachers' Day!! :D

this year will be the last year celebrating tchers day in chung cheng, kinda sad T^T todays performance like not much kick but its still great nonetheless! i like the finale, its so damn cute and funny!! haix this year didnt go back kcp again, felt very bad and guilty..

do you have to treat me so coldly? okay i admit it was my fault in the past but its already been for so long so why this treatment towards me? if you think i dont give a shyt about it, you.re so wrong.. imma telling you now, it still matters to me. after that incident your change in attitude is so much! you ignored me and so on and so forth in the beginning, and now recently although you talk but you sound as if you.re not very willing to, if you.re not then forget it lah, as if i.ll kneel down and beg you to talk to me, i jus wanted us to be like in the past, and you acted like as if i have some evil motive, dont want talk then dont talk lah! last time still say until so nice, what ily and all sorts, and now you give me this attitude for no stupid reason, i promise i wont talk to you anymore, since you dont care why should i, luckily i didnt go back today

ah going crazy already!! i jus cant stand losing! damn it

and now everyones telling and asking me about it, what do you want me to say

我只是想跟你说话, 这样也不行吗

2009-08-26T22:30:00.000+08:00

suddenly i feel very turned off, very lousy, as if the whole world is against me.. 260809 is definitely not my day, i cut my toe against the edge of the wall and it hurts! the cut was deep and it keeps bleeding, ouchy!

alright firstly i apologise on my behalf, i admit i was wrong to complain about you to others, but i dont agree with what you said to me this morning. its really unfair to me, cos its not like i acted kind infront of you and stabbed you in the back, i already showed my discontent very clearly but you did not seem to get it, besides i did not go around telling people about it, i only told maryann they all cos they knew about it, and the others knew about it when we were talking in class, i did not deliberately tell them, if you are not happy that i told vanessa about it, im sorry, i jus felt damn pissed off and wanted to say it out, this i apologise. i.ve already apologised on my behalf, what about you? i was really appalled by your behavior and everything, dont you have any manners at all? and you dare come tell me that this morning, clearly implying that i was a two-headed snake and you thought i couldnt get it. if you still think you have done nothing wrong, then forget it, theres no point in me saying anything cos you have your own reasons to whatever me or my friends say, so jus leave it

im very tired, i feel like giving up, i feel disgusted with humans behaviour, i feel disgusted with the ugliness of their characters, i feel disgusted of how one can put all the blame on the other party when it is not solely one partys fault, i feel disgusted by the evil and cruelty of the world

jus stop it stop it stop it!! and to you, my name is suying!!! not his name!!! we are totally two different individuals from two different classes, so please!!! ah why havnt stop yet..

2009-08-23T03:04:00.001+08:00

its 3 now and im still awake.. jus finished mugging for ss on the theme of understanding governance, didnt really do much today, jus one chem paper and some qns from amath paper 1, and i referred to the txbk for like so many qns, and i took a long long time to complete. suddenly i feel very scared, im not prepared for prelimTwo, im not prepared for Os either, can i jus stop the clock from ticking for the time being, i wish i had more time, i wish i hadnt played that much, i wish i hadnt been so bothered by it, i wish i wish i wish..

have to wake up soon at 7 to wash up, do some papers and then get ready for tuition

imma tired, yawns

jus wanna steal a single moment outta your busy day:)

2009-08-21T21:12:00.002+08:00

oral is.. finally over! and since its already over, i doubt saying anything would change the results right, so i guess no need say so much lah, but im really glad that its finally over! yaye:DD

alright oral is over and i.ve one less burden now, so from now onwards its really studying for prelimTwo and of cos not forgetting the big thing, Os, wanna know how soon it is? 4more days to prelimTwo and 65 more days to Os *gasps!*

"if its not yours, it will never be yours no matter how much you are obsessed with it, but if its yours, it will always be yours no matter how often you let it go"

2009-08-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

okay im getting very freaked out now, tmr, yes tmr, im having my Os eng oral and i havnt really prepared for it yet! alright i know you people will be thinking whats there to prepare for oral, i used to share the same sentiments but now i beg to differ, conversation qns would be on society and if you have no substance, you.re dead, but what really freaked me out the most was that everyday when my friends tell me about the qns, i would be thinking 'omg why so difficult' (except for day2) but the next day ms chua would come into class and say "ytd the qns was ... so easy right?" and i would be wondering whats wrong with me, and then i thought cos i had so substance thats why i wasnt able to think so much, however thinking about the qns for awhile made me feel that quite a number of points could be brought up, but during oral i dont have time to spare, i mus think on the spot and then blabber out all my stupid and silly answers, omg im feeling so damn scared now!! chris's words gave me some encouragement and boosted my confidence no doubt, but prelim is different from Os!! i wont be given the pictures and passages to prepare, and i.ve really no confidence i can get an A for it tmr.. and i would definitely be trembling tmr, wo bu yao wo bu yao wo bu yaoT^T

wow what a lengthy paragraph, i wish i could jus talk like that during oral tmr! if only i really could.. why are human beings so complicated? i wish i could jus read their mind and know what they.re thinking

2009-08-18T20:17:00.001+08:00

不笑就等于不高兴, 不笑就等于生气吗? 我有时也想做自己的事情, 而且也不想打扰你们说话, 这就叫做不合群吗? 我看起来很好欺负吗? 说我你们很高兴, 很痛快吗? 有时候我真的很想大骂了然后一走了之, 但是我却不能这么做, 我不想把关系搞疆, 以后连朋友也没有得做了.. 所以我一直忍一直忍, 就算很生气的时候也只好安静地做自己的事情, 但却被你们说不合群.. 这样对我公平吗? 在你笑别人之前, 是否可以考虑一下别人的感受才做出如此不礼貌的举动? 你的动作已经让我明白你根本没有把我当你的朋友.. 对于这些我感到很无奈很伤心..

im not pinpointing anyone, i jus wanna write out what i really feel, since you dont even treat me as a friend, i dont see the need to treat you like one anymore, i think i understand what they meant when they told me about you

i dont like copycats, why are you always copying me
why why why.

2009-08-17T21:07:00.002+08:00

i had a traumatic experience today! this girl jus came up to my table and started eating my food, oh and thats not all, when she finished she told me "wo zui xin shang ni zhe zhong ren" and the worst is i didnt quite get what she meant and i nodded my head and said "xie xie", and then she said "wo chi bao le, na ge spoon ni hai yao mah?" alright that totally freaked me out! i had the support of the whole class, and yifan and liling they all really helped me alot haha. traumatic.. scared until when she talked to me i scaredT^T

haix haix whats with me? i dunno what im thinking of, i dunno what im doing either, how come it seems like you understand me more than i do? you jus know when to say the right words, when to do the right things, so that i.ll fall back into you once again, you promised me that, i hope you have not forgotten, i know you havnt:D ily<3!

2009-08-14T21:39:00.003+08:00

如果这是你所谓的爱, 那我宁可不要

you were jus making use of me arent you, i thought everything was true until jus now i found out that everything was jus a fraud, but you are pro, i did not realise in the very first place and played with you, after seeing that it totally turned me off and pissed me off, i knew it, you are forever like this, what a fool i.ve been when i thought you would change, what a joke

2009-08-10T20:24:00.010+08:00

i dunno what happen to the videos, jus make do with it kay?

went to watch fireworks with jiayi ytd, it was awesome!:D there was alot of people as expected and guess who were the ones blocking my view? not tall tall people, but small small kids who were sitting on their daddy's shoulders.. ah>(! had dinner then went clarke quay to admire the night scenery and take pictures, but apparently we didnt take alotT^T alot of pubs there and clubbing clubbing!! heehz:D reached home quite late, at about 12plus and slept at 1plus after taking a shower, nightlife is awesome:DD!

alright other photos are with jiayi, i.ll take from her soon and put it up asap:D

andand twitter is fun!! im addicted!:D

2009-08-08T22:27:00.003+08:00

i feel like im slowly losing my grip on you, i dont wanna let go, letting go is the last thing i would wanna do, but if it makes you happier, then perhaps..

2009-08-07T18:57:00.008+08:00

yaye im sixteen le (huh so old!!) there are much more things i can do now! wait no actually theres only one more thing i can do > nc16 movies here i come!! hahaha:D kinda felt nothing special on my birthday, perhaps cos its a school day, and a very busy and stressed and stupid one infact cos i.ve ss test and i totally flunked itT^T well anyways thanks alot to those people who wish me happy bday and gave me presents!

amanda, xueyi, irene, linjie, yinghui, baoyi, vanessa, jiahui, weitong, tw, yw, kor, claudia, jasmine, christine, kwangyi, zx, daryl, jeremy, josh, junwei, yuwei, nicholas, justin, asy, jaslyn, kenneth, benj, mm, felicia, jiayi, shawn, hubert, victoria, veronica, tay, minghsun, xavier, gabriel, denise, nicole, ruishi, melissa, tongen, jonathan, joyce, clarence, xiangxi, thankyou for the sms/tag/msn bday wishes!:D

tw>flowers and earrings, jaslyn>a cute soft toy:), junwei&yuwei>perfume, justin>a big teddy! nicole>necklace, asy>watch, mm>cutecute soft toy, tongen>earrings, josh>cutie soft toy, xueyi>a very cute miniature of a meal:)!, vanessa>bear keychain. thankyou for all the presents people!

im really quite touched lah, cos i didnt thought so many people would rmb my bday! heehz thanks once again people!! and thankyou tw:)

today went with gen to jacks, ordered vodka lime, and.. i tell you its so damn horrible that i thought plain water tasted much better and sweeter than it. it was really horrible, the smell.. eww! thinking of it makes me wanna puke! right now im drinking wine and all of sudden the vodka lime taste came back to me, yucks! never gonna order it again i promise

today almost half of my class didnt come school, heard that tchers were complaining.. but well its jus 3 lessons so doesnt really make much of a difference lah, i wish i could pon too but too bad i.ve parents who are too strict

next time i want to have a bar counter in my house!:D

i dont want talk to you le lah

2009-08-02T09:18:00.009+08:00

for the upteenth time im feeling so damn stressed cos time is seriously running out and my revision is still not done yet! prelimTwo is in less than a month's time and Os is in less than 2months' time, woah i didnt knew it was so serious till i typed this out.. alright im simply a piece of dead meat in a pot of hot soup with ankle socks which i have to pull up if i still dont start my revisi0n!

2009-07-28T20:43:00.002+08:00

so what if what you said is true, so what if you said makes sense, so what. so what if im using him, so what if im toying with his feelings, so what if im pretending to like him when i dont, so what if i treat him badly, so what. what business izzit of yours may i know, mister? you act like you know everything when you dont have the single shyt whats going on. okay maybe you know what im thinking of what im feeling but i tell you straight here, you have no right to tell me all this bullshyt here. you should be lucky man, cos i.ve never treated you the way i treat him. to you i would be careful with my words, i would think before i speak and i would never raise my voice at you nor take it out on you. until now, you still dont get it do you.

okay after all the scoldings on top, i did some serious thinking.. aha what you said do makes sense but im jus hanging on to delusions. i jus wanna make myself believe but after what you said, i totally failed to do so.

my feelings for you was a thing of the past,
whats left here is jus some bits and pieces of evidence showing that we once knew each other
no more feelings, jus reliance

and to you people, if your motive of doing all those oh-so-damn-obvious acts is to let me know that you people are still not stopping and want me to know that you people exist in this world, thanks i.ve got it

2009-07-24T19:48:00.002+08:00

我以为经过了这么多磨练我已经变得坚强了, 但是面对这种时候, 我还是需要你的安尉, 需要你来哄我, 我才能感觉较安心些..

oh man, i feel like a spoilt baby>(!

drained out, i.ve no idea how much longer i can continue holding on
very, tired

2009-07-21T18:35:00.002+08:00

hi and yes im still alive..

school life is busy and tiring, but thats expected i guess (?) left 90plus days to Os nia.. give it one last shot please suying. you.ve no choice, you gotta do it, you get it(yes i do)

last week on the bus theres this guy sitting infront of me who keep turning back and smiling and talking, and i dont even know him, i.ve no idea why recently people whom i do not know keep staring or smiling or talking to me.. spare me please people(strangers)!

ohwell, i forgot what i wanted to say, ah forget it, im off to bathe now, bye people:D!

2009-07-16T19:03:00.002+08:00

you know what, forget about the previous post, it seems like im jus talking some silly crap which doesnt apply to me at all, okay so jus forget it

i dont look forward to school tmr, egeog test on natural vegetation which has 3chapters, zuo wen to be handed in, elit ppt to be done, elit unseen prose to be completed, emath probability wkst3 and emath paper 1 to be done and gone through tmr.. how come theres so many hmwk!! im going berserk. i can imagine myself in woodbridge..

help me, my eyes are closing, im tired, sleeping for only 4plus hours everyday is really not enough, i wanna sleep i wanna sleep i wanna sleep, bed please?

boy, all that you have done to me, i did it too, i feel like im unknowingly taking revenge and in actual fact im hurting you much more than you hurt me, you might have guessed it but you wouldnt wanna hear it from me i guess (?)

2009-07-14T20:01:00.006+08:00

我始终没有勇气面对你的笑, 当我想逃却逃不了. 傻一点也好, 其他的我不想知道. 好与坏其实都不重要, 我早已失去逃离的力量.

i really really wanna forget everything and go back to the past, i.ve really tried, please believe me, but thinking of that incident jus makes me all pissed off

from now onwards, everything will be said and done only in my heart, im not going to breathe a word about you to anyone anymore, unless something really big happens but its okay i still have my blog to talk to (i sound like a lunatic!!?)

我的爱回不来了..

2009-07-13T18:56:00.004+08:00

o m g, saturday went out and bought 3skirts which cost 200plus$(!!), 2tshirts at 30$, one dress and one top from mummy friend's shop(i dunno how much that cost) imma going to save more more $$ to buy clothes!! heehz:D this sunday meeting esther go gym then shop, good good:D

but..

before this sunday can arrive, im going crazy cos of school.. im tired, im drained out, im sleepy, im stressed, im DEAD!! left 104days to Os i think (?) omg omg someone gimme a tight slap please!!

bravo! well done suying! you.ve jus wasted your 10days' worth of effort, how great!! impossible to carry on already, so you dont have to try anymore

btw, mariah carey's obsessed is so damn nice!!:DDDD

2009-07-11T20:38:00.004+08:00

现在挽回还来得及吗?

happy bday to you, how are you, i miss you

2009-07-09T19:33:00.002+08:00

her stomach gulped coldy with sudden shock. her instinct had long suspected that he was betraying her. memories whirled in her mind as she put all the broken pieces of evidence together. she was shocked by what she saw. indeed, her horrified senses had proven her right. her hands were now alert to a point of shivering. the flesh inside her thighs blenched. she swallowed uneasily and asked 'why?'.

tomorrow i.ve three tests waiting for me and i went out today, i felt like i jus spent time which i dont have and that is very bad T^T omg i dont wanna fail my amath test but i jus find integration difficult!

张素莹, 你无药可救了..

2009-07-07T19:26:00.000+08:00

tchers are indeed the best helpers, they help you in your studies, they help you with whatever problems you have be it friendship or relationship, even what they say is so very true. quoted from ms tan 'if you love someone, let him go. if he comes back, hes yours. if he doesnt, he never was.' wow thats like so inspirational(is there such a word) man!:D

during chinese today i was asked to read out the passage, and.. gosh! God knows how many stupid mistakes i made!! my chinese really.. detoriated alot man, time to buck up suying! time to really really settle down and study! time is like running out, so we got the timetable for prelimTwo and was told that the date will be pushed back 5days later, and chem and physics Os spa is like so soon, so is Os english oral. ah by typing this, it freaks me out!

when can i sleep, im tired manD:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ESTHER!!:D
oh and esther is back, yaye:DDDD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EELING!!:D

2009-07-06T11:18:00.002+08:00

wow seems like theres alittle commotion down there at my tagboard, sorta used to it already since its not the first time it happened to me anyways

now to he/she/it who tagged me, i know you have been anticipating for my response to your so-called tags, probably sitting behind the computer screen refreshing after an hour/a min's interval whenever possible jus to see my reply to you, thinking it may have the likelihood of entertaining you. but you are so wrong. i shall jus take it that you have nothing much meaningful to do and you.re feeling so damn bored staying at home, thats why you did something so childish and babyish. so you, yes you. sit comfortably back against your chair and open your eyes big big. read my post to you, sentence by sentence, word by word. this post is almost fully dedicated to you, alone.

you said you dont understand why cant i look at things from another point of view, but why cant you look at things from my point of view? when i first saw your tag i really wanted to know your identity as well as telling you everything hoping that you can understand, but now i no longer see the need to. seriously, i dont owe you any explanations do i? neither do i owe you anything do i? so wont you jus leave me alone. you jus come outta nowhere and ruin my mood, is this the purpose of your existence in the world? perhaps you see things more clearly cos you.re an outsider. but in terms of feelings, you.re nowhere near. and please, when did i even say i hate them? i didnt so please dont put words in my mouth. what i said was 'i wont hate you nor your friends' so please read properly

i hope you will stop everything. id rather you be the coward who sits behind the screen typing and smiling happily away. dont ever reveal your real name cos if i really do know you, i dont want us to turn into enemies. and if you.re envy of what im experiencing, you can have all of it. im not proud of the fact that all these happened, im sick of it man

2009-07-04T11:42:00.003+08:00

im feeling pretty freshened up and well today!:D from now onwards, im going to put the past behind and look towards the future, especially when im having my Os this year! i wont hate you nor your friends, cos God says "Love your enemies." i jus wanna have nothing to do with you people, grant me this simple wish please? everything starts anew today and i.ll have time and energy to do what im supposed to do, good good:D

Dear God,
Thankyou for being with me whenever im feeling down. Please continue giving me grace and the ability to forgive. Please also do let me remember the purpose of everything and do not let anger get ahead of me. Thankyou God.
In Jesus name i say,
Amen.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANDY!!:D

2009-07-03T20:22:00.005+08:00

im very tired, both physically and mentally
i need a break.
tomorrow when i wake up, i promise i.ll be fine

you did it alittle bit too late, its of no use at all

to jus:
thanks my friend! you.re right, i knew it long ago that my feelings had changed. its all cos of ego issues i believe? it really doesnt matter now. the reason im feeling angry was cos i felt it was unfair to be paying for something which i never even did! what logic is that. you.re right, im numb already. but its okay, i mean who cares. i lost a friend (if you even call that a friend) but i realised i.ve so many true friends around me! thats a blessing in disguise!:D

and thanks to everyone who have lent me a listening ear, thankyou!:D

2009-07-02T19:04:00.007+08:00

i wanted so much to tell the whole world about your evil deeds, but i was thinking a victim who goes around complaining to others about the evil deeds of someone else is also considered a bully. and i dont wanna be labelled a bully. i took such great lengths to avoid you the whole day, and jus as i was thinking 'wow great! i managed to pass the day without seeing your face' pump! there you were standing right infront of me with your beloved friend walking towards the canteen, and in case you people think im deaf, im not. please i can hear it okay

will you please jus stop acting innocent? its so damn irritating. you.re not that innocent please. infact you.re the best actor in the whole wide world. and please, i know more than you think i do. and to W, like hey i dont even know you and you come create all this stupid extra trouble, as if its so fun, so primary school can

very fun right. go ahead and play with yourself, or you can ask your beloved friend to join in, im not the least bit interested in this kinda stupid game, this time its real. you know very well that jus afew silly sweet words from you and im on my way back. you got me back, and the next moment you dump me straight away. how fast

jus these few days, i was thinking 'okay maybe i was over-sensitive', but now i know im not, im jus over-stupid.

why. why are you always like that.

you changed so much,
till i feel i dunno you at all

from this moment after i click 'publish post', everything will end that second, stop all connections please. you.ve used up all my energy, i.ve got none left to deal with you and your dear friends. so if you people want to write whatever rubbish and place it in my class or anywhere in the school, or perhaps you wanna continue with your previous act which is msging me, and maybe even find a new way such as announcing over the pa system, by all means please

cos you all know very well, i dont give a shyt anymore

2009-07-01T19:22:00.004+08:00

yesterday, jus yesterday, i was wondering to myself 'after the holidays i guess they.re going to forget all about it and not do anything anymore', little did i know today i was proven wrong..

i.ve had enough, not saying anything not doing anything not scolding anyone doesnt mean i dont feel anything. in case you dunno, im a human, i have feelings

i know the consequence that i have to face after i sent that msg to you, but i dont give a shyt anymore, since you dare to do it, you would have known the consequences.

i dread going to school,
i feel like an idiot

i suddenly have nothing to say

cos of this stupid thing, i.ve totally no mood to do any homework. thanks ah..

2009-06-30T16:57:00.002+08:00

i tried, but i jus cant forget about those incidents,
i.ve never felt so betrayed before

they said i misunderstood you, is this the case?

can i still trust you

2009-06-27T23:32:00.000+08:00

went to cut bangs today, okay i look like a kid, well whatever im prepared to get laughed at when school starts on monday, nevermind it will grow!:D

went to da yi's house with gen and played like siao with nicole and xavier. they are really full of energy man!

i cant carry her.. T^T

alright i.ll try to upload the pictures again next time, oh and i.ll be on hiatus so leave me offline msgs instead! bye!:D

2009-06-27T08:33:00.003+08:00

i cant believe it.. michael jackson is dead, ohgosh.. well actually hes not really my idol, jus that i think some of his songs are nice and so many people misunderstood him which makes my heart go all out to him, and now that hes gone hes unable to clear up all the misunderstandings, poor thing.. seriously i jus hope people will leave this 'man' alone and let him leave the last best impression in our minds:)

RIP, MJ

2009-06-25T19:00:00.002+08:00

checked the emails this morning and saw ms chua's name there and the subject was urgent in caps, got a scare and quickly clicked on it, and realised it was a reminder to send the testimonial to her, well i guess i told zx the wrong email add (haha) and then at about 11plus i saw one missed call and one new voice msg on my phone, and the voicemail goes something like this "hi suying, mdm toh here, please call me as soon as poosible" okay that totally freaked me out, i thought what happened, and so i called back and realised it was jus instructions to download the declaration form (i heard decoration) haha kinda miss the teachers and my friends:D

jus a week ago, suying said "i wont cut bangs de lor" and now im planning to get my hair cut on saturday, well i jus hope uncle thomas goes down on that day so that i get to cut my hair before school reopens! seems like alot of people cut bangs recently..

and and i think theres some stupid problem with my msn contact list.. argh although i cant seem to know where the problem really lies, msn contacts jus disappear suddenly without a sign and its really irritating me! oh gosh.. someone help me please!

3 more days,
and the war begins

2009-06-25T10:04:00.000+08:00

i dont like copycats, full stop.
why are you always copying? why why why.

2009-06-23T19:53:00.005+08:00

chanced upon my previous blogs and found out that my posts in the past were so different from my posts now!! i wonder why..

when i saw the first one, i read the contents and memories were jolted, i realised the same thing actually happened last time, the only difference was that at that time i was the one whose hand phone was being used by friends to send him lame msgs, and i got angry and blew up. and now.. well whatever

regarding the second one, i read and read but i jus couldnt figure out who was i talking about.. i actually forgot about it! but i think i roughly have an idea who is it, since i wrote there "hitting and bullying" (heehz)

memories jolted
xoxo

2009-06-23T08:56:00.004+08:00

poor me is already broke like dunno what, went kbox 2 times last week and 2 more to come, one during this week and the other one on youth day, why so many people wanna go sing k ah? im broke already okay people!! but going with different companies are pretty fun and unique experiences, each clique is different!:D and i realise many people sing ah mei's songs, very nice but difficult to sing!

pool ytd with junwei, improved alittle but he still won:( haha im addicted to pool!!(and kbox?)

why am i blogging so much these few days, it seems like i suddenly have so many posts, is it becos last week i didnt blog? haha perhaps..

no more commitments, moving on..

(study date with parkway today!:D)

and sorry jer, cant join you guys in kbox(again) today, have fun anyways!;D

2009-06-22T19:56:00.001+08:00

thanks ah, your words really sunk deep into my head and my heart, im going to prove that i can do it and prove you wrong! bleah

2009-06-22T19:05:00.003+08:00

i looked around, the feeling of emptiness suddenly got so strong i had an urge to take out my phone and dial your number

i suddenly remembered the times we said "i.ll wait for you" to each other, such simple words but such deep meanings, i dunno if i did the right thing, so what if i didnt, there wouldnt be a second chance already would there

memories have no strength in salvaging a relationship, the strength it has is only worth afew drops of tears and afew real smiles, afew drops of tears cos the moment you find yourself dropping the first drop of tear, you.ll wipe it off and tell yourself not to cry, afew real smiles cos those happy moments were so real you couldnt deny it at all

2009-06-22T01:40:00.003+08:00

Happy Fathers Day!
i love you dad:D

thanks for everything that you have done for me, thanks for tolerating my wilfulness, thanks for giving in to me always, thanks for doing those small little things to show that you care, thank you dad! i know i failed you as a daughter, always giving you the cold shoulder, not talking to you, being rude and insensitive towards you, i promise i.ll try to change on my part..

THANK YOU DAD!
I LOVE YOU!<3

i.ll always remember that sight when you got up from the sofa and walked back to your room, i could feel that you were disappointed, sad, and age is catching up with you, i can really feel it, you have alot of troubles but you didnt say out, is that why you always go to pubs? jus now when you were eating, i felt guilty, i feel that im the worst daughter in the whole wide world, noone could be worst than me, i admit at times i really hated you but i know i cant live without you, im really afraid what if one day you had to go, what would i do? im scared..

i promise im going to study hard, do well for Os, get into a good college, study the course i like in university, get a good job and repay you and mom!:D i promise.

and to zx: thanks alot for always being there for me when i need help, i guess i finally understood what you.re trying to tell me, that God is always with me and will never give up on me so i mus never give up on Him. and i think i know whats God's reason for all this now, i will trust in Him and confide in him

Dear God, please give me the strength to do the right things and carry the right attitude. Thank you for letting me go through all this to let me grow up and see the good and evil sides of life. In Jesus' name, Amen

2009-06-20T10:14:00.000+08:00

hey people im so sorry for not updating and replying tags!

havnt been doing much this week, felt alittle motivated and decided to do homework but of cos its not finished yet:( fretting over what kinda fringe i should cut.. ah okay imma left with only one week of holidays to finish all my holiday homework(which i said must be completed within 2nd week of holidays, yeah right..) as well as revision for prelimTwo which consists of sec3 and sec4 work. wow bravo suying! what great schedule you have there>( and outta these 7days, 3days are already booked by friends, which means i.ve only 4days to do all i HAVE to do! yeah great..

hanging on to delusions, im slowly losing myself as well as my grip on my friends, no matter how busy i am with schoolwork or whatever stuffs i always make it a point to try to strike a conversation, but it seems like im the only one keeping the conversation going and you dont really care at all (?) look, im not trying to put any blame on you. everlasting friendship, friends forever, things that we said in the past? thats jus a naive thought i used to possess and am still trying to hold on to.. but like what i said, im only hanging on to delusions.

am i using your brain to study, am i? the answer is obviously no, so what right have you got to tell me to not study and that there is no need to mug? yes, maybe to you im those kinda person who is always playing and always burns the midnight oil cos i didnt follow the schedule, okay i admit sometimes im like that, but this year is my Os, i feel the urge to study hard and do well. for goodness sake, please dont tell me you.re not the least bit worried and studying? stop being fake, you know very well you.re mugging your ass off at home too:)

thanks for interrupting my life and ruining my plan, thanks ah *rolls eyes*

2009-06-15T21:34:00.002+08:00

lunched with justin at compass point, its been six months friend!;D talking about childhood memories and laughing our heads off at silly things we did when young, the mood the atmosphere everything was perfectly great until we heard this auntie shouting at a teenager, like hey auntie whats your problem, hes jus a teen slogging his guts out jus for that petty sum of $$ and he jus couldnt hear clearly what you said, why did you have to yell at him over this, yeah this totally ruined our mood, but its okay we got over it quickly:D

and to justin: dont think so much le kay! everything will be fine! ^^v!

2009-06-15T12:30:00.005+08:00

didnt sleep on saturday, chatted with him till 5plus sunday morning, put down the phone and quickly catched a wink for 2hours, then woke up and washed up and got ready for tuition, had lunch at 1plus and watched the badminton competition shown on channel5, well china is really quite pro, and they dont look like 24 and 26, haha whatever none of my business, then felt really tired and tried to sleep, but.. keep having distractions!! jus as i was about to enter my dreamland, dad came back and his voice was like so loud lah, the second time i was about to fall asleep mom came in and started talking dunno what and it jolted me again, and i jus kept tossing and turning to show my bu shuang, and i thought 'okay time to sleep, no more distractions i guess..' and when i was about to sleep my hand phone rang.. yeah thanks ah, i gave up.. totally pekchek plus the weather is so damn hot lah!

finally 'woke up' and played cards with mom, won afew bucks (heehz), then at night relatives came, and san gu wanted me to call ah bee's boyf uncle, haha i dont wanna get beaten up ah! ohoh and ah ma gave me 10$! haha and she told me to go her place sit sit when im free, hehe..
(wanted to upload pictures but being the oh-so-not-patient person, i decided not to..)

gonna meet justin later!! its been 6months! seeyou later jus!:)

never letting go..
love you, really do

2009-06-13T00:00:00.005+08:00

happy birthday to you, its been 4years..

a picture speaks a thousand words
(3 pictures here>3000 words)

but what i wanna say to you cant be expressed clearly in 3000 words..
i promise you to smile and be happy, i promise i will..
you must promise me the same thing

2009-06-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

suddenly i realise perhaps i hadnt liked you at all, im jus using you as a showoff tool, telling others that only i get to see the other side of you and feeling proud of it, so.. is this called using you? i really didnt thought of this before, but suddenly everything jus came to my mind, i started putting the broken pieces of evidence together and i was shocked by what i saw.. am i really jus using you as a showoff tool? is this the real thing?

so all along.. i was the one at fault? i was the one playing?

2009-06-12T11:37:00.005+08:00

Ashely Tisdale - What If

dont speak
i cant believe this is here happening
our situation isnt right
get real, who you.re playing with
i never thought itd be like this
you were supposed to be there by my side

when you said that you want me
i jus dont believe it
you.re always ready to give up
and never turn around

but what if i need you baby
would you even try to save me
or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
what if i said i love you
would you be the one to run to
or would you watch me walk away without a fight

im so sick of worrying
that you.re gonna quit over anything
i could trip and youd let go like that
and everything that we ever were
seems to fade, but not the hurt
cos you dont know the good things from the bad

when i say that i want you
you know that i mean it
and in my hour of weakness
theres still time to try

but what if i need you baby
would you even try to save me
or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
what if i said i love you
would you be the one to run to
or would you watch me walk away without a fight

everytime i speak, you try and stop me
cos every little thing i say is wrong
you say you.re noticing, but you never see
this is who i really am, but you cant relate
makes me wanna know right now
if its me youd live without
or would you change your mind

what if i need you

but what if i need you baby
would you even try to save me
or would you find some lame excuse to never be true
what if i said i love you
would you be the one to run to
or would you watch me walk away without a fight

2009-06-12T00:11:00.000+08:00

look its getting nowhere, seriously i dunno what i want either, when you give me the cold shoulder i miss you, when you talk to me i act cold, yeah even im fedup with my this stupid attitude, i guess it all boils down to the trust issues..

face it, we.re all playing games, none of us is faithful or devoted or whatsoever, i saw your lies but didnt expose it, i mean whats the point, you can jus deny and people will only say im creating drama and attracting attention, so totally no point at all and seriously i dont see the need to expose your lies, and if you know what i.ve been doing behind your back, you.re going to scream like hell and then kill me, so actually i.ve got no right to be angry at you for doing all this.. is your acting that good? i dont think so.. you left so many evidence lah, so lets jus say im blind and stupid okay?

i remembered ms tan's words, she said dont be too possessive jus let go, like what i always say 'once it is lost, it can never be found back again', and it was long gone. no more. i dunno what im going to do next, but i guess it would be better if we stop all connections for the time being, this means i.ll have time to go do what i like and also find something to do in the meantime, good good

i failed to play my role well, i jus wanna run away
i.ve no idea how much longer i can hold on, so if you wanna go jus go, this time i wont hold you back

and and saturday is coming what should i do, help please (??)

and as im chatting with ky now, i feel that im about to take my words back, ah suying will you please stop falling deeper into it?? see, thats why i say over-reliance

2009-06-11T12:15:00.013+08:00

tuesday
practically slacking the whole day, had tuition from 2 to 5, well not really called tuition cos i only did probably about 10 qns throughout the whole 3hours, msn-ed during tuition too haha, then at about 6 gen cooked macaroni for me, yum yum :) and at night entong/tongen (sorry i cant rmb her name all of a sudden!) came, she so damn cute lah! i like her nose, like heart shape de, and she smiled at me leh!! ^^

they say she looks like a boy (??)

wednesday
went out with christine, and being the suying whos always so rash and cant control, i bought 1 cardigan and 4tops.. scold me scold me, slap me slap me, i mus wake up!! cannot anyhow spend $$ le, and now poor me is only left with 16$ T^T (serves me right i know..)

yeah the weather is so damn hot and the yellow cardigan is killing me :(
i should be glad i didnt wear the black one, good absorber of heat>physics physics!
(iluma's toilet very nice!! hah!!)

and i was so bo liao that i used christine's hands as model, haha since we mus take precautions of the swine flu, we mus show a clearer example on how to wash your hands properly. so..here goes

first, put some soap on your palm

next, rub your hands against each other
till its foamy and bubbly (?)

finally, wash!

and you know what, i suddenly realise it isnt such a good demonstration as i said above jus now, haha jus treat it as im being lame and noone wants to play with me T^T and thanks christine for lending me your hands!! :)

yeah and now im going to study! heehz, like finally right.. and then meeting fbf later! yaye :)

2009-06-08T21:20:00.010+08:00

did you forget, i didnt

i said stop talking and you really stopped talking, why do you follow instructions so well, its like how clean you made it lah, like hey i thank you for that, you jus dont get it do you, yeah i know no matter what i say now will not change a single thing, you.re not going to give the least bit of damn anymore, so stop being an idiot suying

things will never be the same again
thanks for everything, takecare..

i seriously gotta stop this feeling, its driving me crazy, it sucks like nobodys business and it completely turns me off

now i know, you care only about yourself

i hate myself for drinking such a big cup of ego..

okay i know you people will be like this year is your Os so why are you still caring about all these stuffs? thanks people for your concern but i know my limits, obviously i dunno how to handle all this but at least i know theres a limit, and you people will be like wondering 'wow suying, when is she going to stop flirting around' yeah whatever, i dont care anymore, i wanna make studies my first priority from now onwards

SUYING PLEASE GO AND STUDY YOUR AMATH OR CHEM OR ELIT OR WHATVER NOW!!

2009-06-07T02:12:00.001+08:00

many things that id like to say to you, but whats the point now, even if i want you to stay, you would still most probably go, i was the one who said let go and yet now i want it back, what am i thinking of, silly me.. i thought you would care but it seems like im the one making a big fuss outta it and you.re still leading your own life happily

i.ve regretted i.ve regretted i.ve regretted

perhaps absence makes the heart grows fonder
i wanna shout, shout out loud so that you can hear me.

i kept waiting and waiting, hoping that you.ll reply, every time my phone vibrates i.ll pray so hard that your name will appear, only to be disappointed time and time again, silly me, im still waiting even though its already 2plus in the morning, are you happy that i said stop talking, or will you mind?

did you forget everything? why doesnt it affect you at all? hello? theres 1001 ways to contacting me, so why are you still not contacting me. i waited from 06june till 07june without sleeping, and your name didnt appear on my phone at all. how come it seems like you dont care already? has it really ended this time? this feeling is so painful and it sucks like nobodys business. im really tempted into msging you to tell you that i take back my words, but i cant, cos im not only msging you, but your friends as well

we.re okay we.re okay we.re okay, are we..
when i wake up, will i see your name on my phone and will everything be okay?

2009-06-05T17:20:00.009+08:00

i dunno how to clear up the mess

the things that happen recently really made me tired, i.ve got no more extra energy to care about whatsoever stuffs, infact i thought i could jus die down there, you always tell me tomorrow, and the next day you tell me tomorrow again, and tomorrow never comes, everytime you give me the same shyt the same disappointment, theres really no way i can communicate with you anymore, the relationship has turned so sour that i dunno how to salvage it, you brought me so much pain and misery, you call yourself a man? i cant stand the sight of you, sometimes i even hate you, but you know what, i cant live without you and no matter what, i still love you, yah what irony.. but its true

i lost a friend, i didnt reply him, i ignored him, i thought it was jus not replying msgs and everything would be fine, but i couldnt get to sleep, i was tempted into replying i admit when it was already 1plus am in the wee morning, what was i thinking of, from the moment that i.ve decided not to reply, i knew everything has ended, hes not gonna forgive me, he and his friends are gonna give me hell, im sorry i dont ask for his forgiveness, cos its not like we.re gonna talk again, but im really sad that i.ve lost a friend jus like that. goodbye and takecare

over-reliance

how i wish you could still entertain me with your dumbness, how i wish you could still be there for me, how i wish everything could go back to the past, but i ended everything with my own hands, believe it or not, im already missing you although i jus said everything has ended, yeah go on and laugh all you want, i know you.re thinking how silly can i be, but.. deep down i know everything has not ended yet

im going to work hard im going to work hard im going to work hard
yeah suying is gonna work hard

2009-05-31T18:59:00.004+08:00

for goodness sake, wont you people please jus stop asking me about my results, after every debrief you people will be like 'eh suying, how much' and when i dont wanna say you people will go 'woah lao', and now you guys are going 'whats your class/level position' and when i say i dont wanna say you will go 'fine', do you want me to print out my report book and give each of you a copy, so that you.ll believe me how atrocious my reults are, and it will also help keep your mouths shut and save your saliva and mine too

some people are jus so irritating
like hey, i thank you for that

movie and shopping with jiahui ytd at bugis, went to iluma which was pretty big and cold but there werent many shops which fascinated me, watched young victoria which was pretty nice and touching esp when prince albert saved queen victoria, proceeded to bugis street after that and had a big big shopping spree, i bought 3 cardigans and 3 tops, then finally went to bugis junction to jus walk around and enjoy the aircon, and now im officially declared bankrupt T^T

i.ll only get scolded and cheated if i talk to you, so dear you, from this moment i.ll stop talking to you, and even if you ask me a question which i doubt you would, i would most probably not reply. i dont care! i dont give a shyt anymore! go ahead, go talk to your other friends! i dont give a shyt, i.ve had enough of you not talking to me already! i.ve also had enough of you giving me the cold shoulder as and when you like, playing with me like im your personal toy when you.re feeling bored and lonely

yeah so get this clear right now, i dont wanna be your personal toy anymore from this moment on

2009-05-30T02:18:00.000+08:00

decided to put back the tagboard cos im gonna exceed my sms limit if you guys continue sending me offline messages! haha but i wont be replying so often, in actual fact i havnt been replying for a very long time, hope you guys dont mind :)

i.ve nothing to say to you, why wont you jus let me go please? whats the point of saying anything? it doesnt help at all does it? lets jus stop here, lets jus stop all connections please? it wont be fair to him isnt it? and we shouldnt even be talking anymore since last time, i mean whats there to talk about, theres nothing in common to talk about at all, so please jus let me go

spare me..

2009-05-27T16:38:00.003+08:00

you know what, i am so sick of everything.

everytime i go outta my classroom, i.ll have people from your class staring at me
i dont even know you, and you stare at me

well that sounds so logical.

i dont owe you anything do i? or are you just hearing stuff from your friend that im some bitch who sends some stupid msg. and so you stared at me like i owe you something when the hell i dont even know you.

yeah i know you wanna help your friend by staring at me?
fine you win then.

so every freaking chance we meet you people are gonna stare/look at me right? well thats just fine. i really hate going to school.

when you walk, people just turn their freaking heads to look at you.
hello? im a human being with insecurities too okay? like hi the reason you.re turning your head to look at me is because i look really bitchy and thats why you.re staring.

well thanks thats really nice of you. just leave me alone will you? and im not wanting to boast about the fact that i get stared at. im sick of it man.

hey. you know what im not even sucking up to you
i hate to try to even suck up
yeah, go on, say that im a bitchy flirt for sending that stupid msg
okay fine
so what
talking to him > more people knowing about it > famous for being a bitch

i finally understood truly what maryann meant when she said that, i really do now. shes right, when you.ve been through all types and varieties of shyt, you.re never gonna find yourself crying jus because someone said something which was really touching and whatsoever, you.ll jus go "wow what nice language, and whatsup with those people crying nonstop and even saying shyt" yeah thats how you.re going to react

heartless? coldblooded? you can say whatever you like, thats your mouth and i cant stop you. i think i.ve changed, i wasnt like that in the past, kinship, friendship and relationship problems used to send my tears flowing down, but now i guess i.ve run out of tears, im still bothered by all these, but it seems like it lasted for perhaps only a day or two, and i dunno if this is good or not

i wanted to scold, scold the f word out loud, but stopped in time. i was thinking..you wouldnt be feeling too good after doing so many evil deeds, yeah perhaps you dont feel anything at all, and is even feeling so damn shiok now, but i dont care, you do whatever you want, its none of my business, you jus get outta my life and i promise i.ll disappear from yours too

2009-05-26T18:21:00.003+08:00

who will still fail chem even after staying up late to study till 1plus in the morning? oh right, me
who will still fail physics even after waking up at 2plus in the morning to study till its time to go school? oh right, me
who will get 8/25 for social studies seq? oh right, me
who promised to work hard and yet got such awesome marks for prelimOne? oh right, me

you know what, forget all about prelimOne! im jus gonna start bucking up on prelimTwo, prelimOne is such a nightmare, i know im going to go for remedials during the second week of holidays, i know im going to have to break the news to my mom that she has to go meet the level mistress, i know im going to get a harsh scolding from parents, i know im going to disappoint my parents and teachers, yeah see and you.ll know how my life sucks

oh and i met some interesting fellow today, or rather should i say interact with some interesting fellow, who claims to be somebody else, which i doubt its highly possible, well anyways it doesnt really affect my mood, jus thought it was pretty cool and decided to blog it here since i.ve nothing much to write about, wanted to typed out the msg at first, but better not, in case some people comes and then vomits out (hah!)

2009-05-25T16:31:00.002+08:00

yeah changed my blogskin to the previous one, thought this one looks nicer and simpler, decided to delete my tagboard and not put up any links, leave me offline messages instead!^^

got back results, it was hell, i broke down on friday after knowing the large quantity of my l1r5, tried to control but to no avail, and i cried several rounds, till im feeling so tired and could not concentrate during amath.

seriously, im not worth your tears, you can cry all you want, but at the end of the day, you.re jus gonna tire yourself out, and why should you harm your body for the sake of me, i dont deserve all that you.ve done for me, its too much and i cant accept it

since i still cant make any decision between you two, i guess i.ll jus concentrate on my studies. i dont want any of you anymore, goodbye and goodluck

2009-05-23T03:51:00.007+08:00

i looked out of my window and saw a guy standing all alone, it was parkway i realised when i went down to have a look.

i looked into his tired looking eyes, and asked why arent you home, why are you still here, he replied with a sigh i dont know, are you okay?

2009-05-17T14:05:00.008+08:00

after a night of cold hard crying, i officially grew goldfish eye, whatever will i tell my mom, mom 'i cried because...i failed you as a daughter and that i swear im going to flunk my prelimOne', no that cant do who in the right mind would believe me.

hang in there suying, its going to be over, its going to be over

hang in there

2009-05-15T03:43:00.003+08:00

wow time passes so fast and its already may! yeah 3 more months to prelimTwo, 5 more months to Os, 7 more months to leaving school, 8 more months to getting back results! well guess what im not the least bit excited about it

yeah 5 months have passed and im still unable to get a good clear answer from my heart.. well people call this act leg on two boats, being unfaithful and whatever. and if i say i really treat both of them sincerely, who in the right state of mind would believe me.

and to parkway, we.ve had countless of fights and everything. remember fighting over the smallest things? and then after that we.re back to laughing again! yeah i know i took your love for granted, like taking advantage of your trust, knowing that you.ll forever be there.. and when i said break, do i really mean it? i guess not.. i know i cant survive without you, and yes in other words, you really mean alot to me. i get angry when you check my phone and everything, but at the end of the day, i.ll be like "hey he cares" and then i.ll be all smiling again. its been afew years now and we.ve been on and off for like how many times i cant rmb.. but yeah, chrystal, amanda they all are right. you, yes i mean you parkway, you are really very very great! till sometimes i feel that i.ve been very bad to you. i can still rmb vividly the times you cried right infront of me, you scared me! i didnt quite know what to do, but seeing you cry.. well i felt sad. and for the times you always come to meet me despite being tired after a whole day, yeah im touched actually. i know i always say i dont wanna meet you, but which girl wouldnt feel happy and touched that a boy is willing to wait for her everyday jus to spend that 30 to 60 mins time together..

i guess i.ve already made my decision. this new start has been for 6 months. and i hope there.ll be many more seconds minutes days weeks months and years to go!! and if you.re reading this, dont be touched to tears kay ^^

2009-04-30T19:45:00.005+08:00

after all these while i finally realise something. theres no such thing as 'i cant live without you'. thats all bullshyt i can tell you.

okay fine. perhaps the first few days would be more difficult to get by, like you cant get to sleep, have no appetite and such, but you definitely wont die without that someone

i think i.ve thought it over very clearly this time round. i dont wanna hear any more things from you or about you be it true or not. actually i should be thankful that things turned out this way.

call me a flirt. call me a player. call me a bitch. call me leg on two boats (direct translation). and you people will be wondering "wow suying, when will she ever stop flirting around?" whatever. i dont care anymore. yeah, go on calling me that

i hate myself for giving you hell, but i jus cant help it. im sorry

2009-04-25T04:38:00.002+08:00

It's 4plus in the morning and I'm still freaking awake.
Couldn't get to sleep after drinking.
People say that drinking helps one to forget problems.
But why is it that the more I drink, the more clear-headed I get?

Outta all the shitty things I.ve been through, none is worse than this.
I thought I could just die there and then.
If you knew the truth, would you still have hurt me like that?
Would you at least be feeling a little guilty, or not care at all?
Till this very second, I still can't believe you did this to me.
And I hate you for that, I really do.
I was really blind, so blind.
Looking back, I realise I.ve been the most stupid fool in the whole wide world.
If I was at any fault, my only fault is that I trusted you too much.
You betrayed me time and time again, but I still chose to believe you.
But this time, it's really over.
Why must you do this to me?

What have I ever done to hurt you?
I feel so useless, so helpless, so lousy.

From that moment, I knew I was just your toy all along.
From that moment, I knew I could not trust you anymore.
From that moment, I knew all your "sorries" in the past meant nothing at all.
From that moment, I knew it's over.

I hate you.
You cause me to hurt him, an innocent party.
And I hate you for that.
Cancel my subscriptions, I'm done with your issues.
Oh and, please forget whatever stupid stuffs I.ve said to you.
Thinking of it, I feel disgusted.

2009-03-22T10:08:00.004+08:00

Kor said his L1R5 of 6points is achieved by working hard,
And not having any entertainment 3months before the exams.
Since I'm not as clever as him, I.ll have to spend more time right.
Haha. Therefore, I.ve decided to start work. Right now.

So I.ll be on hiatus for a long long time I guess.
Don't bother to tag anymore.
Just msg me or gimme a call anytime ^^v!

(Will still update during the holidays, perhaps)

2009-03-18T19:43:00.009+08:00

Finally found back myself. Finally!
Don't know what's over me recently.
Even I felt that I.ve changed, not to mention the people around me.
Don't trust people, get irritated easily, blah blah blah.
Yucks, hate that me.
But luckily I found back my old self (I don't know how though).
Woots. Yaye.

Talked to Miss Tan on facebook.
Ohmygosh. Felt really happy man!
Last time when she taught me, I was in Primary4 and now I'm already in Sec4!
How time flies!
But it feels so so great to be able to talk to primary school teachers yet again.
Felt like friends, you know. Haha.
And she is coming back perhaps at year-end (she's in Wellington now).
So, we.ll get together one day, 4Brillance!! ^^
Also talked to Eunice. Long time no talk le.
Felt really really great!!

I'm one happy and blessed girl! ^^v!

2009-03-17T19:38:00.002+08:00

'pool of livers......'

2009-03-14T02:38:00.004+08:00

It's 2plus in the morning now, and I can't get to sleep although I'm dead tired.
Many things are running through my mind right now.
Is it cos it's late now and people tend to be more emotional?
I really don't know.

Many a time, I told myself "Time to let go, it's really over this time".
But in the end, I always find myself going back to you.
Am I very useless? Am I such a loser?
"C'mon! It's nothing! Forget him and move on!"
Easier said then done.
They have not a single idea what's going on.
They.re just thinking it's another emo post yet again.
Everytime I think of all the little things you do and the words you say,
I.ll totally waver.
It's all the little things that make it into one big thing.
When it comes to love, I'm just a selfish bitch who gets jealous easily.

2009-03-09T19:47:00.007+08:00

Hey SuYing,

Are you stupid or what? Are you a fool or an idiot?
You even failed your HCL and Emath papers!
You.re a Chinese yet you fail your HCL paper.
You can't even do Emath, and you wanna do Amath?
What have you been doing all this while?
You promised Mom and Dad that you.ll do well and not disappoint them.
You promised your teachers that you.ll do well and not disappoint them.
You promised Rao Lao Shi that you.ll do well and not disappoint her!
Have you forgotten what she has taught you and said to you in Primary School?

"去照照镜子，看看自己是什么皮肤的人。
既然自己是黄皮肤的人，那就应该讲华文，因为华语才是属于我们的语言。
身为华人，我们就必须把我们的华文搞好，这样才值得被尊敬。"

But have her words really sunk into your mind??
Go think about it.
Really hope that you.ll wake up to your senses!!

2009-03-06T20:13:00.004+08:00

What am I supposed to say now?
If you give me one chance to tell you how I am feeling,
I.ll wait till I can wait no more.

Even I'm amazed by my tolerance towards you.
Yes, being tolerant and looking at things from a different view is my new year resolution.
But it does not refer to this type of matter.
Each time I get angry, just a simple msg from you would appease me very easily.
This is my weakness; having a soft heart.
And you made use of this weakness of mine,
Thinking I would tolerate you for as long as I live.
But hell no, recently I realise I can't seem to tolerate anymore.
Seeing your face and hearing your name just makes me wanna go into hiding.
Why am I hiding like a convict? I.ve no idea at all.
Just wanna avoid you. Just don't wanna see you.
I don't quite know what to say, actually.
Or rather, what are the right words to say.

On a lighter tone of frustration (contradiction) here.
Common Test is totally screwed up!!
I feel like a fool. I actually can't do Emath!!
Can you guys believe it? I can't do Emath!!
Is there something wrong with me? Or did I see the Amath paper as Emath paper?
I doubt so. It's just that difficult for me. Real tough.
As for the Physics paper yesterday, it was such a terrible nightmare.
I studied for the whole day, yet when I look at the paper, I.ve no idea how to solve.
And I did questions in assessments. So what's the reason?
Felt real demoralised. Study so hard yet the result's same as not studying.
Next week is Chemistry and Physics Os SPA.
Damn scared leh. Screwed up last year's both SPA.
If this year I screw up again, I can say Bye to A le.

Am I thinking a little too much about Os?
I dreamt that I scored B4 for English Os. And I broke down.
Cos that means I had to use HCL as my L1 and Chinese couldn't be used as R5.
And I woke up from the dream remembering another dream I had before this.
I dreamt that I also got B4 for HCL Os.
I'm really scared. Time's running out.
7 more months to Os. Good luck to me and friends.

2009-03-02T20:14:00.008+08:00

Common Test is driving me crazy!!
The timetable is really unreasonable and unfair.
HCL, Chemistry and Egeog on one day.
SS and Amath on another day.
How to memorise? How to study? Where got time?

Today Egeog was a gone case le.
Couldn't finish the paper, couldn't remember the points.
Chemistry had afew wrong le.
HCL didn't get to finish the paper, and the paper is difficult.

Tomorrow is SS and Amath.
Think I'm giving up on SS le.
Cos as I'm reading the textbook, nothing goes into my head at all.
As for Amath, I'm still struggling.
Chapters 12 & 13 is still okay, but I'm always making careless mistakes.
Chapter 14 ah.. It's damn damn difficult!
I just hope I don't fail my Amath.
But one thing for sure, I'm failing my Combined Humans. Once again.

And thanks to those who have been telling me to Jiayou for Common Test.
Haha. It does help a little, actually.
But I realise the reason I'm studying so hard is cos I don't want to disappoint my parents.
I don't wanna hear them say "I'm disappointed." ever again.

2009-02-27T22:04:00.011+08:00

Yes! I think I had quite a fruitful day today! :)
Went straight after school to meet ZuXian.
Had lunch, then went to the library to study.
Supposed to be studying Chemistry, but I ended up doing Differentiation instead!
And I was looking at the stack of worksheets Mrs Yeo gave out today
When..
I found out my Emath file was missing!

Ah gosh. How blur and careless can I be.
Really hope it's inside my locker!! If not I can die for common test le.
But.. I really don't remember putting it in my locker leh.
Then ZuXian say perhaps someone steal it..
Damn. If it's really true and I found out who izzit..
Hahaha. Get ready to die!

And I'm tired!!!
Today gym was only running the threadmill.
Totally cannot liao. Argh!!
I must do well for common test!!
CAN DE!! Yaye =)

2009-02-25T19:54:00.010+08:00

Dear blog,

SuYing is starting a new life as from now on.
It still hurts whenever I see him.
But I'm still trying my best to forget him.
Every little thing he has done and said still lingers in my head.
But that's all in the past, long long time ago.
Guess I.ve to avoid him once again.. Cos I don't wanna be hurt anymore.
That feeling suxs like nobody's business.

Didn't expect such a big reaction from you people, seriously.
But anyways, thanks! *smiles and moves on*
Also thanks to those who have helped me alot alot.
Lazy to list all the names lah. But especially wanna thank Daryl!
Thanks for helping me even though you yourself is troubled over that matter.
And also to ZuXian!! Gosh, how can I ever thank you!!!
Thanks Thanks! =)

2009-02-24T20:19:00.006+08:00

I'm letting go of everything once and for all.
I can feel it.. You don't care anymore.
So no use saying or doing anything. Cos it doesn't help at all.

I.ve sorted out my thinkings.
I don't wanna point my finger at you and say you.re at fault.
I mean.. What's the point?
So, I'm just gonna put an end to all this.

You.ve been a really great guy lah. I have to admit.
But I knew this day would come sooner or later.
And indeed, it really came.

Forget the good times we have.
Forget the bad times we went through.
Forget your smile.
Forget your eyes.
Forget my heart.

I stay silent, take three steps back and let go.
Goodbye.

2009-02-22T19:09:00.007+08:00

Okay here's a quick update on what happened for this week..

//wednesday

You know what. I went for cca!
Wondering why right. Hahaha.
1. friends 2. teacher 3. juniors 4. passion (???!!)

//thursday

Had Chemistry and Physics mock spa.
And kena caught by Mrs Tan during Chemistry mock spa for earring.
(2nd time caught this week! T^T)
Then stayed back for the zuo wen test.
And when we went there, it's like already full liao lor.
Okay, in other words. We were late (haha)

//friday

Nothing much happen actually..
Had Amath test and ting xie.. Amath I sure die liao this time.
Then after school went straight to meet parkway.
And then went to meet Gen to have breakfast+lunch+dinner (I dunno call what)
Finally went home to slack!! :)

//saturday

Went out with Gavril they all (makeup)
And they were late so me and JiaHui waited for close to 50mins (?)
Pissed off sia! But then after that jiu okay le. Haha.
Me and JiaHui wear almost the same.
And Gavril still say we wear qing lv zhuang. Haha.
No movie to watch at vivo so we went to plaza sing to watch K-20.
And XiangXi keep saying singapore plaza. hahaha.
The movie was quite okay lah, some parts pretty funny.
But Gavril and QiXian didn't watch, they went home after going arcade.
And the movie ended at about 8plus going to 9.
So we went back at about 9plus like that.
Ohyes! I remember this part! Damn funny!
During the movie, XiangXi lent Clarence jacket.
And Clarence was like "Woah hao gan dong! Wo men share!"
Hahaha. So funny!
Ah lazy to blog in details. But overall the outing was quite okay lah.

//today>sunday

Did some Amath then had tuition at about 3plus.
Then was practically slacking the whole day, doing nothing.
Tomorrow have school again (sighs...)
From tomorrow onwards, it's mugging week!!
Indulging myself in the world of Chemistry, Physics, Amath, Emath, Humans.. T^T

2009-02-17T20:05:00.007+08:00

Suay lah!

Today damn suay sia. Just walk outta toilet happily then kena caught liao.
Nightmare lah! Last year also kena caught by the same VP.
Okay lah, I kena I nothing to say. Cos I know my grooming suxs.
But Venice also kena leh! I really stun tio lor!
I mean look at her skirt lah! I think twice as long as mine le bah..
And her socks too! Like that also kena caught, then I think cchms no guai kia liao.
But I feel so what sia. Although my skirt never reach kneecap,
But then also not say short until what mah.
And she still want Venice and JiaHui tuck in shirt and only left 3cm outside.
I'm sorry for being rude, but i'ts CRAZY!!
Go look around the school lah! Got how many pupils like that?
I think can count with both your hands lor. (and perhaps leg?)
Ah!! Tomorrow morning still needa go see her.

Then today pe kena hit by ball two times.
And our team lose lor. Haix. But nevermind, next week we.ll win! (hopefully..)

2009-02-14T23:27:00.005+08:00

Happy Valentines Day!!

Firstly, a big big thanks to all who have given me presents!
I like it alot! Haha.
Some give me but I never give them. So gonna give them on monday.

Went out with JiaHui today, but dunno why feel very different.
Cos we practically spent our time sitting down.
Not much things to do, and our legs damn pain :(
And actually is meet Gavril they all de, but then.. Haix..
Tai bao qian le. Felt quite guilty sia.
And we met Venessa and YanYi at orchard with their friends.
The guy still ask if we from zhong zheng.. It's like so obvious can. Haha.
And Venessa was like helping us to answer "Yes lah!"
Watched Pink Panther 2 today. The show was pretty funny.
Couldn't stop laughing. Haha. Silly guy in the movie!

Went to auntie's house at around 8.
Played with Nicole, Xavier, Shawn and Randy.
woah nicole and xavier damn hiong. very strong also
hit me like im a wall sia. but then they very cute lah. haha
then shawn keep telling the two of them to kiss randy, and the scene was like..
okay, cannot say here. all i can say is that its so obscene!!
and shawn was like "nevermind, 16 liao" haha.
playing with them reminds me of my childhood lah.
like how me, shawn and randy used to play those lame lame games..

tmr still have the calli thingy, mus wake up super early.
so sian!! and after that have tuition.
ohmygosh. one day jus pass like that leh.
but today dont really feel like vday, yesterday more like it

today will be the last day.. 20 more mins to 15 of feb
after 20 mins, everything will end. completely

2009-02-11T19:08:00.007+08:00

everything's going way too fast, like a bullet train
all the things i.ve done and gone through seems like a blur to me

sometimes i really wonder how did i survive and study for psle
i remember in primary school, whenever i reach home,
very automatically i.ll take out my homework to do.
and i forgot how i did that, seriously
my life in sec4 is boring. so so so boring
cos it only revolves around studies and Os
this year im putting aside everything, and concentrating on Os
now, i only wanna study study and study
i dont care if its boring, irritating or whatever. i jus wanna study
i played too much in sec3. therefore this year i have to put in twice the effort,
perhaps thrice compared to others to get what i want
and so far, i think i.ve improved
although its not fantastic results, but at least i no longer fail my amath

wow i say until i feel so motivated. like writing yan jiang ci sia
oh well whatever.. time to study le!!

2009-02-07T19:52:00.015+08:00

~~dear teacher, this post is specially dedicated to you.~~
~~so read with your eyes open big big~~

~~i thought you were okay and i still wondered why many people dislike you~~
~~but. now i know why~~
~~firstly, you.ve been our teacher for one year one month le~~
~~yet, you dont even have the basic simple trust in us~~
~~many of us took the time to study for the test and sacrificing our tv/com time.~~
~~yet what do we get in return? your suspicion in whether we cheated~~
~~secondly, you were not in class for 2 days~~
~~and we didnt know what chapters were tested. and what categories are there~~
~~we didnt even know the details at all when we.re the ones taking the paper~~
~~was it our fault? why do you make it seem like its our fault?~~
~~thirdly, you were supposed to give us the schedule~~
~~but until now, which is february, we receive nothing from you~~
~~so what.. our fault again?~~

~~ps. this incident really turns me off~~
~~but dont worry, im not going to let this incident ruin my motivation to get A1~~
~~its jus not worth it~~

dear teacher, im sorry about those striked words
i dunno if you.ll be reading this but i still wanna apologise
i was the one at fault cos i didnt get the whole facts right
and i started putting all the blame on you as if you were at fault
and most importantly, i know im plain rude
when you called me to answer the question, i looked at you
and i felt guilty. and guilty means i know im the one at fault
therefore, i apologise for my rudeness.
(i feel weird saying this in english btw)

/edited.

2009-02-03T20:14:00.006+08:00

school is not fun at all, neither izzit interesting or whatever you call that
school is busy, boring and bland. its not crazy, but its driving me crazy
im afraid i.ll break down one day,
i can imagine myself in a mental hospital..

every week theres bound to be more than one test
week9 is common test, week10 is Os chem SPA
end of april is PrelimOne.
its not that im being naggy or emo or act hardworking or whatsoever,
but seriously, look at the dates lah and the amount of time i.ve left
i can confidently say its not enough. at all
plus. its sec3 and sec4 work!!
and i.ve no confidence at all that i can do well.
okay, dont say B3 lah, i dont even know if i can pass anot..
this year i.ve screwed up my 1st chem test, 1st physics test and 2nd amath test
well.. whatever dont say le lah
.
.
thought i could de-stress by blogging..
helps a little, but not much though
gotta go give everything out in the gym>run like siao (haha)

\

if you give me a chance to tell you what im feeling,
i.ll wait till i can wait no more

2009-01-31T15:45:00.003+08:00

supposed to go gym with zx this morning
but i was too tired and cancelled it.. sorry zx! next time okay
week4 has ended>4 weeks passed>4 weeks lesser to prepare for Os

have i been thinking too much about Os?
i even dream about my results for the Os..
i dreamt that i got a B4 for HCL.. NO!! i dont want!!
if i really get B4, i can forget about going to jc le..
stress.. thought today has school and woke up at 4plus, asking mom what time
and mom told me to go back to sleep, saying today no school
sleep also cannot sleep well..

am i being alittle too worried and stressed up for Os?
friends around me dont seem to worry that much..
i told them about the amount of time that we.ve left till PrelimOne,
and they jus said "woah so fast ah"..
i wanna relax too! but i cant afford to.. at all
relaxing comes with a price>ruining my future
and im not going to do it, of cos. haha

and the stress adds on when i found out you.ve been doing so well..
why why why.. why did i feel this way??
i should be happy for you!!
isnt this what i always wanted since last year??
so. why am i being uphappy now that you.ve proven it??
im sorry, im not able to understand you
but how am i supposed to? i dont understand myself either..
.
.
two's jus nice. three's a crowd
im not that generous to share you with other people..
not saying anything doesnt mean you can continue with your monkey business
im a human, i get jealous
if anyone is coming into this game, i.ll leave then

2009-01-27T11:45:00.004+08:00

HAPPY CNY!

went to ah ma's house in the morning and many people were there
full house man! then i stayed in the room and started gambling
well, apparently i lost.. T^T
so decided to try my luck when i went to goddad's house
played cards with mom, jiayi. godmom, da yi and kor(join in at the last part)
at first i keep winning de lor, then after lose like siao..
and in the end i go calculate>no lose no win
what the hell lah.. waste my time leh!! haha but i dont mind cos its a gathering
very funny and fun too.
then san kim told jiayi "eh call your biao jie come out play leh"
and yes, that biao jie is referring to me.
but we.re only a difference of about 5months leh.. i feel so old :(
and i realised many people also change le
oh my gosh!! shawn!! his voice break le and sound so different!!
i was still thinking "eh whose voice is that ah?" haha.
and i received a hug and kiss from my sweet, cute darling>nicole!! yaye :D
shes like so cute lah, run here run there. heehz
then xavier and nicole keep banging me.. haha and i didnt know quite how to react
so i jus said "ah ah" and pretend im dead.. and they started laughing
and saw both kors' girlfs. and me and jiayi say alot of hellos to zhiwei's girlf
hahaha, so funny. and i was being introduced to her for so many times le
since the past few years i guess.. haha

and yes. i counted
the question "you have boyf?"(in all types of languages) was asked 7 times
what answer was they expecting in the first place?
...
then they ask my mom and she said "dunno leh"
okay, her answer shows me that she suspect liao..
anyways, i.ve long suspected that she suspected since last year i think
and then after that she told ah han jie "cannot lah, still so young. headache ah"
qian hou mao dun leh.. then tuan yuan fan that day,
she told ah lian jie "dunno leh. still young"
then jie said "but now secondary school very common mah"
and mom said "haha. dunno leh" ...
every year i get the same qns. aiya dont ask le lah
cos i wont say de. heehz

\

imma tired of saying the same things over and over again
i thought things would be better this year,
but you still give me the same shyt everytime..
its obvious, you dont even give a damn what
now its only what..january. and all these shyt is starting yet again
im always following your footsteps, behind you
i needa know when you.re in the mood to chat and joke, when you.re not
im exhausted, you know?
please get this clear, this is not my job
you can be good this moment, and bad the next..
what is this??
i hate your guts

-

later relatives coming.. and dad is off to ah ma's house
but i told mom i wanna stay at home,
cos i.ve gotta study for the two tests on thursday and friday
ohyes. i still have to complete my homework!!
my emath dunno owe mrs yeo how long liao..

okay, go start my revision le!!
bye people! and enjoy! :D

2009-01-26T10:03:00.006+08:00

you know what. i realised how lucky i am
i.ve the bestest brothers, cousins and friends in the whole wide world!
sometimes i really wonder. how can i be so lucky?
*millions of grins here*

will try to blog in detail maybe tonight or tomorrow..
off to ah ma's house now. bye! :D

2009-01-22T23:14:00.006+08:00

should i should i
should i drop to combined science or continue with my two pures..
actually my goal is very simple>straight As
i dont want A2, i want A1
but given my results now, i really doubt leh..
dropping and not dropping each has its pros and cons

drop>easy to get distinction but limited number of choices in jc
not dropping>hard to get distinction but more choices in jc

so. tell me what i should do!! ah ah ah.
and i.ve calculated the amount of time left till prelims 1
left with 14 weeks. divided by 7. means each subject only two weeks
somemore is sec3 plus sec4 work..
STRESSED LAH!!
God, please help me make the right choice!!

\

liling got dengue.. hope she gets well soon!!
and heard that clarence is quite okay. yaye
esther has also come back to school!
so.. i guess its not that bad this week? haha
.
.
read my emails and saw the name..
a little happy. a little sad. plus a little of everything
i dunno how to describe this feeling.. but you know. yes, confused is the word

2009-01-18T19:34:00.006+08:00

hello wello jello!

suddenly i feel so motivated to study, and thats why i wont be using com
for perhaps a week till the next weekend (?) haha.
i.ve been sorta slacking for like the past two weeks
and yeah, im starting to feel guilty cos i.ve not really done anything..
so, im gonna really seriously start studying real hard.

i finally know the true meaning of disappointment..
its like it was something i was so looking forward to, yet it turn its back on me
you broke your promise, yet again.. countless lies i get from you
countless disappointments too..
sorta used to it i guess.. perhaps im already numb le lah
.
.
i try to be nice to everyone, esp my friends
but do you seriously think you.re a friend? or you treat me as one?
i.ve tolerated for like what.. 6plus months?!
and this year i started shouting at you. and you stop for awhile,
and start again almost immediately.
sometimes i really wish i could jus kick you and bash you up,
but i cant cos im in a school. what for get demerit point over someone like you?
you may act like this cos you have your own problems,
but which one of us doesnt have our own problems?
you like insulting people yeah? but you yourself cant even take jokes..
so, tell me.. is this fair?
i got only a merit for chi Os oral and you got a distinction, and what did you do?
you said "huh..you only got merit ah? i got distinction leh.aiyo.."
at that very moment, i wish i could kill you.
i know i didnt do well and im not as clever as you,
but since when have i insulted/critisized/suan (or whatever you call that) you?
you go and think about it lah. im tired of saying all this
everytime i go to school, the thing i dread most is having to face you
cos i have to tolerate and make sure i dont do anything rash.
in case you dunno, i dont have a good temper, infact i.ve a very bad one
so.. if one day i ever resort to violence, you can forget about me forgiving you
please get this clear>i.ll hate you

-

and as im typing this post, theres a fire opposite my house
i think its in the so called open space there, no wonder so smelly..
then theres this siren. police car, ambulance or fire engine, i dunno which one lah
jus know its one of the three. unless total defence car comes along?
hahaha :D

2009-01-17T21:17:00.006+08:00

i.ve thought alot. over and over again..
its not jus a fling. cos i really feel it
everything i do reminds me of you. every song i listen to, i feel it
the lyrics, i can feel it and i start thinking of you
fast and happy songs>the good times we have
slow and sad songs>the bad times we went through
remember all the countless fights we have over the smallest things?
i took you for granted cos i thought no matter what happens,
things will never change. cos i thought you.ll always tolerate my wilfullness.
i didnt know how to think last time. i was too immature
but i.ve grown up alot after all this while
whenever im with you, i jus feel happy. be it jus a msg or whatsoever
but i guess things have changed now.. i can feel it
lets not point at each other and say its your fault, cos i dont think theres any
i dunno whats on your mind but i want you to know whats on mine.
i dont care what others think when they read this post,
most probably they.ll be thinking its another emo post.
but thats cos they dont have the single idea whats going on
i dunno if you.ll be reading this.. but i jus wanna thank you for everything
every little things you.ve done, every word you.ve said,
means alot to me. and i can still remember everything
thanks for always giving in to me, and tolerating with my wilfulness..

i.ve never regretted cos i know you.re the only one i love.
even if it has already ended

2009-01-17T08:55:00.005+08:00

these incidents are enough to make me feel LIFE IS TOUGH!!
kaihuai left. esther is having a problem. clarence is not feeling well.
jus within two weeks, three friends are like that..
the most shocking one should be clarence de bah
never ever thought this would happen to him,
hope he get well soon and to be able to come back asap
as for esther, i hope she knows whats right and wrong.
study well and do her best and she.ll have no regrets
kaihuai ah.. jus wish him all the best lah. haha hes a great friend
.
.
okay on a lighter and happier tone now..
i got an A1 for my chinese Os!!! YES I DID IT!!
i was so damn happy lah. and maryann's words really damn true
next time mus ask her tell me my grades using her sixth sense liao. haha

im never gonna eat in the morning anymore. never ever again
yesterday maryann offer me some chocolates,
and i was thinking since xueyi, irene and amanda eat sweet also nothing
then why cant i also be the same? so i accepted her chocolate
and i kept wanting to vomit. also cos its the second time she ask if i want
so i jus say okay since i didnt want it the first time.
woah damn xin ku.. luckily never vomit during frc,
if not i dunno how to clear up the mess. haha
but im not blaming maryann. im jus wondering why izzit like that..
whenever i think, hear or see food and drinks names in the morning,
i will feel like puking.. hai..
\
alright. thats about all i guess.. some things that happen i forget le lah
damn damn stressed!! not enough time at all T^T

2009-01-11T18:29:00.004+08:00

hey guys!!

i apologise for not blogging and replying tags
really very sorry.. but i jus cant find the time to do so.
okay. sec4 is like what i had expected. no, i mean worse
.
.
first week and theres two tests.
next week which is the second week theres three tests..
and tmr getting back Os results.. ah sian lah
i dont wanna know my chinese results. cos i know i cant get A1 liao..
sad to know this leh.. but i brought it upon myself..
who tell me to slack and play so much last year leh..
aiya but nevermind lah. im going to buck up this year le
at least friday's amath test im sorta confident. at least can pass i guess
so now my first aim is to pass every single tests. at least mus pass
thats the first step. then slowly i.ll go on to Bs and hopefully As!!!
hehe.. wish me luck people!! :D

\

okay. you think you.re being funny.
you think you.re being very big. like gang leader
but you dunno that everyone hates it
please lah. the so called "jokes" that you make ah. sometimes really too much
you think its funny. but its not
havnt you notice that you.re always picking on people,
and then saying "jus joking lah. you cannot take jokes meh"
then what about i try stabbing you in your stomach,
and say "eh sorry ah. my hand lose control. you cannot withstand the pain ah?"
oh c'mon. i.ve a patience to my limit okay.
and so does everyone. i dont think its funny at all lor
so please jus stop it lah

ah.. this week has been a hectic week T^T
but a good start!

2009-01-06T20:24:00.004+08:00

its only the third day of school and imma feeling so stressed already..
almost wanted to cry yesterday night.. haha also dunno why
lots of tests and homework!! someone help me please

-

went home today and saw something i didnt wanna see,
something that i hate and dread
with this kinda thing happening,
i cannot imagine what my future holds for me..
.
.
the truth always hurts.
i wish i did not know the truth. i really do
now that i knew it, i feel so lousy. so turned off

ARGH!! T^T